Let’s call him Mr
McGregor. Mr McGregor had been
interested in the Puffers for
many years and being a keen
photographer, had many hundreds
of slides of the Puffers and
their ports of call on the Clyde
and the West Coast of Scotland.
Because of his long-time
interest, for years Mr McGregor
had the special privilege from
the Company to sail for a few
weeks every year on a Puffer of
his choice, to wherever that
Puffer was going. This
concession was given to very
selected persons.
There was a particular
skipper with whom Mr McGregor
sailed with if he possibly
could. Wee Jimmy was the Senior
Skipper and he commanded the
latest of the new diesel boats.
This particular voyage was from
Ayr to Brodick.
The weather was just
on the point of ‘no go’
conditions for the wee Puffer.
But the forecast was talking
about an improvement after
midnight and the Owners had
‘mentioned’ to Wee Jimmy that it
would be good for future
business if the cargo of general
merchandise could be delivered
to the customer on time. On
time meant the following day.
The skipper had been
looking out of the rain-
streaked windows of the small
wheelhouse at the dark, wild
night. Even with the shelter of
the quayside around them the
Puffer was heaving and
struggling against her mooring
warps. He turned to his friend
of many years – pushed his hand
up under the brim of the
ancient, sweat-stained soft hat,
and scratched hard through the
white curly hair on his elderly
scalp. He pulled the hat back
into place with a jerk. “Ah
weel Mr McGregor – I suppose the
forecast could be right – the
gusts don’t seem to be just as
strong as they were. I
think!.. It’ll still be a bumpy
old passage till we get some lee
from Arran.”
Just before midnight
the little Puffer left the
protection of the inner basin
and out into the main harbour,
turned to starboard and headed
out between the north and south
piers, already feeling the
strength of the wind, the
slanting rain and the heavy
swell. With the skippers
permission Mr McGregor wedged
himself into a corner of the
small wheelhouse and prepared to
enjoy the bad weather in an
uncomfortable perverse way – as
he always did.
Wee jimmy took the
stopper out of the brass
‘communication pipe’ to the
motor room. A distant,
irritable, brassy voice called
“Whit dae ye want?”. Wee Jimmy
bent over the pipe and called
back – “ I ken I dinna hae to
tell you Chief but we dinna want
anything going wrang doon there
on a nicht like this.” The
distant yelp in the darkness
from the bright brass pipe told
him “ If ye didn’a hae to tell
me – what the bloody hell are ye
telling me fur.!” There was a
‘chunk’ as the voice pipe was
sealed at the other end.
“Ah Mr McGregor – I think the
Chief is just a wee bit
tetchy..”
Mr McGregor waited a few minutes
and then said – “Why don’t you
use the engine-room phone.?”
Wee Jimmy turned to look at his
friend in the dark corner- “ It
hasn’t been working for three
weeks – the Chief’s been too
busy to fix it.”
Slowly, as they moved
away from the sand bar outside
Ayr Harbour, the sea became
longer and a touch more
comfortable as the Puffer
climbed and fell, climbed and
fell, lurched and heaved. But
every now and then the odd one
would be bigger and different.
The Puffer would shudder and
almost stop as it hit a mass of
water. And Mr. McGregor had to
tighten his grip and stiffen
himself to stay in his corner as
his feet tried to slip on the
wet deck and a thick water pipe
attacked his kidney. The
helmsman swore as he fought both
the wheel and to keep his
balance. Wee Jimmy told the man
at the wheel – “ Yer doin fine
Angus – hold her as best you
can.” And another load of salt
water poured over the bow, along
the deck and washed the bridge
windows in a determined deluge.
After one
particularly violent heave Mr.
McGregor heard the quiet but
strained voice of the man at the
wheel – “Eh Mr McGregor – could
you do me a wee favour?.”
“What’s that Angus?” asked Mr
McGregor.
Through the dark
wheelhouse the shape of a hand
proffered something to Mr
McGregor, “Could you keep these
safe till we get in. With all
this jumpin’ aboot I’m
frichtened there will be a
breakage or loss.”
Mr McGregor braced
himself with a foot against a
panel as he relinquished the
grip of one hand to close his
fist round whatever it was that
was held out to him. He
recoiled and nearly shot out of
his corner as he realised that
what was in his hand was a
mouth-wet, full set of false
teeth.
A kind of empty voice
came from Angus –“Thanks, I only
got them yesterday.”
From the small, vague
figure of the skipper came the
heartening words – “Och –
Angus. They’ll be as safe as
houses with Mr. MacGregor.”
There was the suggestion of a
giggle from Wee Jimmy.
The forecasters were
correct. The weather started to
moderate and they also got some
lee from the high mass of
Arran. The motion of the wee
coaster improved to just being
rough and by the time they
approached the pier at Brodick
it was almost civilised.
Mr MacGregor pulled
his stiff, sore and weary body
out of his corner and gratefully
stretched in an almost steady
environment. He heard Wee Jimmy
call down the voice-pipe –“Ach –
you did very well Chief – that
was quite rough.” Swear words
charged up the pipe before they
heard the ‘chunk’ as the pipe
was closed at the other end.
The skipper drew on his stumpy
pipe and said –“ Chief seems to
be happy enough. We’ll just
have time for a mug of tea and
breakfast before our customers
come down for their wee bitty
cargo.”
Mr McGregor turned to
leave the wheelhouse and a voice
behind him said –“ Er Mr
McGregor –could I have my
‘wally’
teeth back now please.?” It
took some self-control for Mr
McGregor to put his hand into
his pocket and extricate the
naked dentures, force a smile
and say – “Any time Angus- any
time.”
Bill Mills