On going aboard any puffer the
first thing you were asked was -
“Would you like a cuppa?” And
that is when you would hear some
of the stories.
While sitting sipping
my huge mug of tea the cabin boy
had given me, the Skipper
started teasing the lad about
his lack of success with the
lassies-especially the other
night in Coll. The cabin boy was
older than most cabin boys,
surprisingly well spoken and
well mannered –just a little bit
slow.
The Skipper told me
that no matter how hard he
tried, how nice he was to a
lassie, whenever they heard him
speak they thought he was
kidding them on. I asked what
had happened in Coll.
There had been a dance
on the Saturday night and the
cabin boy had really taken a
fancy to this particular lass,
but with the usual result.
When the young chap saw this
girl getting friendly with his
arch enemy on the puffer-a young
seaman- he lost his temper and
tried to force her to dance with
him. She laughed at him and his
rival pushed him away.
The cabin boy returned to
the fray, stood in front of the
girl and said “ Will you dance
with me if I give you a couple
of acres?” The lassie snapped
back “I’ll give you a couple of
acres”- and promptly kneed him
hard in the groin. His ardour
was quickly snubbed.
The Skipper finished
the story by telling me that the
funny thing was that the cabin
boy’s family were very well
connected on the mainland and
had some land on the island. The
girl didn’t understand that she
was being offered ‘2 Acres of
land for one dance with the
cabin boy.’
Returning from a
summer cruise sailing up the
West Coast of Scotland we
decided to take the short cut
through the Crinan Canal and
while the Skipper was paying his
dues to the Waterways office he
was warned that there was an old
Puffer coming through that
didn’t always obey the
navigation rules of the Canal.
When asked where we might meet
the puffer we were told –“Who
knows ?. But you will get good
warning –just keep looking up
through the trees rather than
round the canal bends.!” We
thought that was a very peculiar
way to give advice.
About halfway through
the Canal we found out the
meaning of the warning. We did
happen to be looking up and not
round- when one of us shouted
look that must be the puffer
coming and following a raised
pointing finger just above the
treetops were great clouds of
smoke-now we understood. Keeping
well in to the bank we slowed
down –and round on the wrong
side of canal came this rusty
old puff-puff lady. As she
passed we saw she had some
passengers- about ten we
thought- all covered in soot
from the funnel and with other
black marks of their clothes.
The old puffer had
been converted –if that was the
word-to end her days on a
commercial footing-goodness
knows what the brochure read but
the folk on deck we had observed
had – (we were told later)
arrived on scene with no one to
greet them and had been sitting
as best they could about deck
when a lorry with a load of coal
arrived alongside. The driver
had some experience of this
puffer and her Skipper and one
crew-his wife. The ‘passengers’
were told that Skipper and wife
were probably in the pub and
could the passengers help in
getting the coal aboard so the
lorry driver could get on his
way. Reluctantly the poor
holidaymakers started lifting
bags of coal from lorry to
puffer.
When the ‘crew’ had
arrived it was all treated as a
good laugh-but not by the paying
customers. Hence the state of
the poor ‘cruise ship’ folk when
we passed them.
Another day – another
Puffer!
Bill Mills
